My election manifesto

Its election time in Gods Own Country and this time yours truly has decided to contest the election as an independent candidate .I can't promise freebies like the grand old man of Tamil Nadu but here's a list of nothings that I promise to work for.

1. Distribution of alcohol to be made through PDS
To put the people out of their misery I think it is better that we start distributing alcohol of all forms, colours and brands through outr
very own 'raation shaap'. How else will the hardworking malayalees find time to attend more pressing matters like
going to a strike or burn up some shops? You don't expect them to waste their precious time waiting in the serpientine queues in front of Bevco do you?

2. Declare 'the Gulf' as the 15th district of Kerala
All gulf countries should be given DoK(District of Kerala) status. This will be of great assisstance to keralites in their exodus to the 'sheik-lands'
And my government will try applying VAT tax on the sheiks. Imagine the revenue that can be collected!

3. Declare the entire state as an amusement park
The narrow,winding roads, dotted with potholes, that seem to fall off into the underworld makes this the best investment opportunity for the state. We have many bus, lorry and jeep drivers
who have shown their expertise in plunging their vehicles into rivers , ponds, backwaters, canals, puddles and other waterbodies. They can be hired to make kerala
the adventure tourism capital of the world

4. Registeration fee for strikes and hartals
An online registration form (along with a small fee of course) has to be filled by any party before they can start a strike.

5. Banning all words with "o"
The sound "O" has been the bane of malayalees, causing shame and embarassment to him whenever he speaks. My government will start an initiative to replace all those
words with "non-o" words. This will increase the morale, and self confidence of all mallus.

Please will you people support me?