My election manifesto

Its election time in Gods Own Country and this time yours truly has decided to contest the election as an independent candidate .I can't promise freebies like the grand old man of Tamil Nadu but here's a list of nothings that I promise to work for.

1. Distribution of alcohol to be made through PDS
To put the people out of their misery I think it is better that we start distributing alcohol of all forms, colours and brands through outr
very own 'raation shaap'. How else will the hardworking malayalees find time to attend more pressing matters like
going to a strike or burn up some shops? You don't expect them to waste their precious time waiting in the serpientine queues in front of Bevco do you?

2. Declare 'the Gulf' as the 15th district of Kerala
All gulf countries should be given DoK(District of Kerala) status. This will be of great assisstance to keralites in their exodus to the 'sheik-lands'
And my government will try applying VAT tax on the sheiks. Imagine the revenue that can be collected!

3. Declare the entire state as an amusement park
The narrow,winding roads, dotted with potholes, that seem to fall off into the underworld makes this the best investment opportunity for the state. We have many bus, lorry and jeep drivers
who have shown their expertise in plunging their vehicles into rivers , ponds, backwaters, canals, puddles and other waterbodies. They can be hired to make kerala
the adventure tourism capital of the world

4. Registeration fee for strikes and hartals
An online registration form (along with a small fee of course) has to be filled by any party before they can start a strike.

5. Banning all words with "o"
The sound "O" has been the bane of malayalees, causing shame and embarassment to him whenever he speaks. My government will start an initiative to replace all those
words with "non-o" words. This will increase the morale, and self confidence of all mallus.

Please will you people support me?

Why I support the bureaucrats trapped in the CWG corruption scandal

I think the recent controversy surrounding the corruption in Commonwealth wealth games going to be held at Delhi is avaricious, malicious , delicious and auspicious. I do not find anything wrong with what the bureaucrats have done. The reasons for my steadfast support to the 'babus' are :
1.Nobody told them that Commonwealth does not actually mean COMMON WEALTH.
They thought that Common wealth means common wealth as in common room, common toilet etc etc - anyone can use it .They took whatever they needed for their 'chai paani'! They were misinformed .Don't you think?
2.They were trying to make India an egalitarian state.
They were trying to reduce the disparities between the rich and the poor. The oft-repeated 'aam aadmi' campaign was not working and UPA government was running outof ideas. So they thought of a novel scheme to rob Indians of their money and make everybody poor and usher in equality. They were this close.
3.Lalit Modi said 2000 crore is no biggie
Lalit Modi was hired by these powerful men sa their consultant and he consulted thus:"See, what you have taken is a pittance when compared to what I have stolen from 1 day of a single IPL. Just relax and work on a public statement that is atleast 100000 pages long. They will soon get tired and forget about the incident". Because of this manipulator our poor officers are in trouble

I urge all my fellow compatriots to show their solidarity with the tainted officials.They intentions were honest . Weren't they?
To read about the allegation click here

.SRT - Some Retarded Talk

Subtitles -Those inseparable companions of movie files. Those little minions,going by a rather plain name of .srt becomes a crucial part of our cinema experience especially if the film is in a foreign language or the film is too 'slangy' to comprehend. Take Guy Ritchie's whimsical tale 'lock,stock and two smoking barrels' for example. The London slang was difficult to get hold of and I had to seek the help of a subtitile.
But I have found that they are not always very helpful.on the other hand they can be distracting and times even annoying.Picture this:
the location is a typical gangster den (don ka adda) with guns , drugs, old drums, furniture that a 3-year-old can break etc etc There is a fierce inter-gang gun battle proceeding towards a bloody climax. Blood literally flowing all over the screen , human organs decapitated in ways that one cannot even think of; and the subtitle says - {Guns firing}. All that tension and mayhem reduced to just two words {Guns firing}.
Do they have to tell us even the most obvious? Tires screeching, raining , snowball rolling,kissing (oh yeah!),scratching head - all these can very well be exluded from the description.Its similar to
the instructions behind some shampoo bottles -
step 1 : Open the lid.
As if we don't know that! Anybody who can buy a shampoo bottle will definitely know that the lid has to be opened.
Another funny experience is when I watch dubbed movies. Oh! I have a great time watching them. Whether its the sophisticated Judi Dench playing M
uttering podaango!(thoo teri!in our rashtra bhaasha) in place of a rather restrained 'for heaven's sake Bond' or terrifying dinosaurs being called 'bheeman palli' ( just a harmless chipkali) I had pure unadultered fun. But this one is the creme de la creme.I thank my friend for sharing this with me .
Superman returns after a long soul-searching journey back to his rural abode. He is welcomed by his Mom with a classic 'Aa gaye mere laal'!(it does not translate well to other languages).
I enjoy watching  the dubbed versions more than the original and as far the subtitles are concerned - I still hunt for them.

Subtitles: On the Foreignness of Film (Alphabet City)